Best Practices for Self-Care While in a Narcissistic Relationship

While being married to a malignant narcissist for 20 years, I often wondered why I felt that my marriage was damaging me – dulling my outgoing personality – causing me to feel blame for my ex’s problems and mistakes – bouts of depression when before I met him I had never experienced depression – him constantly criticizing and judging me – him making very charged cutting remarks and when I would become upset he would tell me that he was only joking and that I was too sensitive or too emotional – hmmm… what’s wrong with this picture? Two weeks after I filed for divorce from the narc, I said to him, “You haven’t yelled at me during these past two weeks, since I filed for divorce.” His reply: “I finally realized that yelling at you isn’t the way to handle you!” Handle me? Yep he actually said those words to me!

Being in a narcissistic abusive relationship can be extremely challenging and damaging to your mental and emotional well-being. It is crucial to take measures to care for yourself during such trying times. I ultimately decided to become a certified personal trainer while still married to the narc – of course he did not support my career decision and all through the 21 -month divorce process, he called my occupation a “hobby.” But, I’ll tell you that I definitely developed strength and cardio endurance during some pretty intense workouts during those 21 months – I even have an Apple music “Divorce Playlist” of songs – when you really listen to song lyrics there are some incredible inspiring stories of escaping abusive relationships shared by musical artists! Self-care is imperative for protecting your heart, mind, and soul while trying to survive in a relationship with a toxic partner, and while working to figure out your next steps and potential plan of escape.

Here are some best practices for self-care:

Recognize the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Understanding that you are in a narcissistic abusive relationship is the first step towards self-care. Narcissistic abuse often includes manipulation, gaslighting, emotional neglect, and constant criticism. Recognizing these patterns can help you take the necessary steps to protect yourself.

Establish Boundaries

Setting clear and firm boundaries is essential for maintaining your mental health. Communicate your limits calmly and assertively, and do not be afraid to enforce them. Boundaries might include limiting certain types of interactions or spending less time with the abuser.

Seek Support

Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Talking to someone who understands your situation can provide emotional relief and practical advice. Support groups, whether in-person or online, can offer a sense of community and validation.

Engage in Therapy

Professional therapy can be invaluable in helping you navigate the complexities of a narcissistic abusive relationship. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies, rebuild your self-esteem, and work through any trauma you may have experienced.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are in a difficult situation. Practice self-compassion by recognizing your feelings and giving yourself permission to experience them without judgment.

Develop a Self-Care Routine

Create a routine that includes activities that nurture your mind, body, and spirit. This could involve physical exercise, meditation, journaling, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. Regular self-care activities can help you stay grounded and resilient.

Educate Yourself

Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge can empower you and provide clarity about your experiences. There are many books, articles, and online resources available that can offer insights and strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior.

Consider a Safety Plan

If the relationship becomes physically abusive or you feel threatened, it is essential to have a safety plan in place. This plan might include identifying a safe place to go, having important documents ready, and knowing who to call in an emergency.

Avoid Self-Blame

Remember that the abuse is not your fault. Narcissistic abusers often project their issues onto their victims, but it is important to separate their behavior from your self-worth. Remind yourself that you deserve respect and kindness.

Limit Exposure

If possible, reduce the amount of time you spend with the narcissistic abuser. This could mean taking breaks from interactions or, if feasible, planning an exit strategy from the relationship. Protecting your mental and emotional health should be a priority.

Focus on Your Goals

Shift your focus towards your personal goals and aspirations. Whether it is advancing in your career, pursuing education, or developing new skills, investing in your growth can provide positive distractions and a sense of accomplishment.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises can help you manage stress and anxiety. Mindfulness can also help you stay present and reduce the impact of negative interactions.

Maintain Healthy Relationships

Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift you. Healthy relationships can provide a stark contrast to the toxicity of narcissistic abuse and remind you of what respectful and loving interactions look like.

Stay True to Yourself

In the face of manipulation and control, it is important to stay true to your values and beliefs. Keep a journal or engage in self-reflection to stay connected with your inner self and maintain your sense of identity.

Taking these steps can help you manage the challenges of a narcissistic abusive relationship and prioritize your well-being. Remember, it is important to seek professional help and consider long-term solutions for your safety and happiness. And, know that being abused is not your fault. You are not to blame. It’s time to escape from the toxic relationship. It’s time for you to reclaim your life.